Negative Relationships May Accelerate Aging
As a gerontologist, one of the studies I quote the most is the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the world’s longest-running study on human happiness and longevity. What it shows is crystal clear: the single biggest determinant of how long and how well we live isn’t diet, exercise, or even smoking. It’s the strength of our relationships! Strong, positive social ties outweigh nearly every other lifestyle factor when it comes to both happiness and healthspan.
A July 2025 preprint on medRxiv by Lee and colleagues takes this idea one step further. It examined how negative social ties (what they call “hasslers” or difficult relationships) influence biological aging. Using Indiana survey data alongside DNA methylation markers of aging (including GrimAgeV2 and DunedinPACE epigenetic clocks), the team found that people with more negative or ambivalent ties tended to age faster at the cellular level.
On average, about a quarter of someone’s social circle consisted of hasslers, and nearly 60 percent of people reported at least one. When more than half of a person’s social connections fell into the “difficult” category, the link with accelerated biological aging became especially strong. Interestingly, ambivalent relationships (those that sometimes support you but often stress you out) were even more damaging than outright negative ones.
These relationships didn’t just show up in the aging markers. People with more hasslers reported worse health overall, higher depression and anxiety, and more chronic conditions. Inflammatory markers and body composition measurements like BMI and waist-to-hip ratio also leaned in the wrong direction.
Why This Matters in Menopause
This research has real relevance for women in midlife. Studies already show that supportive communities can ease menopause symptoms, from hot flashes to sleep disturbances to mood swings. When we feel understood and supported, symptoms often feel less severe and less overwhelming.
But, have you noticed that during perimenopause, many of us have less patience for nonsense than we did in their thirties. Maybe this isn’t a flaw but a built-in mechanism. It could be nature’s way of nudging us to let go of toxic ties and make space for the relationships that are truly supportive and meaningful. In other words, our biology may be pushing us to prune our social networks for health and survival. Hmmm…food for thought.
A Quick Primer on Epigenetic Clocks
If the term GrimAge or DunedinPACE sounds foreign, here’s what it means in a nutshell. These clocks measure patterns of DNA methylation, which are chemical tags that sit on top of our genes and change with lifestyle, environment, and aging.
GrimAge gives you an “epigenetic age” that can be older or younger than your chronological age. DunedinPACE measures the speed at which you are aging biologically, with 1.0 meaning one year of biological age for every year of life. Higher numbers mean a faster pace of aging. Researchers now use these tools to capture how stress, lifestyle, and yes, relationships, are shaping our health trajectories long before diseases appear.
I personally use the TruDiagnostic at-home test kit to measure my pace of aging. It’s really cool because they present the results as a speedometer dial with a turtle on the left and a rabbit on the right. Naturally, you want to be closer to the turtle.
What You Can Do
- Audit your circle: Think about who truly lifts you up and who leaves you feeling drained. Even one or two difficult ties can have an outsized effect.
- Set boundaries: You don’t have to cut everyone off, but you can decide how much access hasslers have to your time and energy.
- Strengthen positive ties: Make time for the people who leave you feeling supported, understood, and seen. They are the protective factor that balances life’s stresses.
- Watch out for ambivalent ties: Those “sometimes good, sometimes stressful” connections may actually do the most harm. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone.
Final Thoughts
Social health is more than just being connected. It’s about the quality of those connections. This study makes the case that subtracting toxic or ambivalent ties may be just as important as adding supportive ones. Relationships leave biological fingerprints, and the wrong ones could be silently pushing your aging clock forward.
Menopause is already a demanding transition, but it might also be the perfect time to re-evaluate who gets a seat at your table. By curating a circle of supportive, meaningful connections, you’re not only protecting your mental health, you may also be slowing the pace of aging itself.